Waiting to Dance (2012)

The music drifts around the room,
Harmonizing with the rasp of our shoes.
Sliding forward, then back, right, and then left,
Circling, dodging, as we mirror each other’s moves.

The guitar strums deep in our minds,
Echoing the desire in both of our hearts,
Both? Only one. We are but one person,
One split so suddenly into two separate parts.

So we dance, and we twirl, around and around,
Never touching, only brushing, yet never surrendering,
Leaping, soaring, flipping through the air,
You refuse to submit, and I can’t stop remembering.

The music rises as our motions quicken,
Faster and faster you twist and you whirl,
So close you come, but still so untouchable,
I reach and I grasp, stopping your swirl.

Clutching your shoulders, I shake and I scream,
“You’re mine! You’re me! Why did you leave?!”
My emotions, imagination, innocence and words,
“You needed to accept, you needed a reprieve”

Collapsing, I weep, “From what? From who?”,
A shake of your head and you’re down on your knees,
“From me. From you. You simply couldn’t continue”
“The fire in your heart needed time to ease”

I stand, as a tear falls from my eye,
“For five years? You lie! You abandoned me!”
Your hand held out, halts my tirade,
“You’re still so blind, just try to see!”

So I pause, and I look five years in the past,
A 15 year old me is struggling to breathe,
So she writes, and she writes, and she thinks she’s alright,
But she lies, she’s simply numb while subconsciously she seethes.

Time goes on, places change, but she remains the same,
Living, but not, simply going through the motions,
A smiling empty soul, so ignorant of herself,
She thinks she feels love, but there’s no real emotions.

Coming back to myself, I look around blankly,
“You buried yourself in your lies and your pain”
“You refused to live, so I took back what I gave”
“Your words could no longer have free reign.”

My mind is spinning, thoughts colliding,
Whirling and circling, mimicking our dance,
Fighting for supremacy, retreating simultaneously,
My emotions kept in a long held trance.

I gaze into your..MY eyes, as I speak my words,
“When you took my words, you took my life”
“Who I was, and who I prided myself on being”
“You took my release and left me nothing by strife!”

Shaking your head vehemently, you exclaim,
“I took your lies! Your shield! I didn’t take who YOU were!”
Breathing in..and out, you shake your head disappointedly,
And I know…that soon, the past will recur.

Crashing to my knees, I beg and I plead,
But you’re already gone, only a fleeting whisper remains,
“Last chance, you MUST learn, or I’ll never return.”
“Write now, think, and break free of your chains.”

So here I’ve stayed, and I write, but nothing ever changes,
The chains on my words continue abrading my mind,
Still I fight, and I push, till pen at last touches paper.
But nonetheless, and no matter what, I still remain blind.

And so I wait as the song starts to play again…

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